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President Barack Obama Letter!

I am so excited! I received a letter from Barack Obama. I wrote a letter to him about some of my hardships. The letter is a keepsake to me. I am so shocked at the very idea of him responding to my letter, at all.

In the letter, he thanked me for writing two times. It is a two page letter, on a stamped White House letter head. I am happy to receive a response from the President.

I was hoping for some results. I guess that I have to “not give up hope.” As Barack Obama advised me, in the letter.

 

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At a calm and relaxed space, in my

At a calm and relaxed space, in my life. I embark on a journey of writing my second blog. It is almost summer and the air is fluffy and sodt, with a mellow tone to it. Everyone is asleep, I could hear nothing else excelpt the ryhmic tapping of the keyboard. This day, well actually yesterday. It is about one in the morning, and I am still up. 

My senses are still wide awake from the overdose of information about Mariah Carey’s exciting and glamorous life. She is married and has two beautiful twins, what could be better. After ignoring a feeling of jealousy or envy, I began to kook passed all of her wealth, priveledge and many, many things. It has been my first time, watching television after a two year break. For so long, I had no access to cable, or local television. I was only limited by watching documentaries on DVD and occasional movies. I have grown accusyomed to a sort of boring, slow and uneventful life. Untiil, recently I;ve noticed that I would like to catch up and find out what is new in the world of news, fashion, television commercials and celebrity exploitation of the lives of the rich and famous, and that of their families’ lives. It was a little overwhelming and exciting to watch it, again. After about an hour, somethng inside of me began to fade, as if a magical light shining bright was disappearing. The news reporter seemed to be announcing horrible news, so fast back to back. A turn over, and grasp of my stomach, the perils going on in the world began to bother me. A commercial came, a break to breath and somehow escape from the impact of a glimpse of some horrible occurences in the world. I turned the television off, and along with it wanted to shut the feeling of guilt off as well. A finger from my own hand, accusingly pointed it at me. I blamed my self, at the fact that I felt that it was something really important that I was missing from stopoping television watching, just two years earlier. I thought that it would somehow normalize some of my experiences and beliefs to fit in with the “American Culture.” But, it did nothing of the like. Now, the feelingds that I have is of utter shamem and disgust at the anger that I feel in the pit of my belly.

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What mother does this? I travel with my child from one city to another. The train stops and we walk down the stairs, to the parking lot. Another woman us going to pick my child up and take her to her home with her. I heaviness, I don’t want to let her go. How did my life ever get to this point. The strong whole handed grip, I prepare to let her go. I slowly prepare myself for the goodbye, again. I allow my hand to let go, only to grip a few of my dear child’s fingers. At noon, there is no sign of the woman; in which my daughter is in her care. Anger symptoms were coming forth, bursting out like a volcano. An inhale, gulp of hot air to distract myself from the fury on my tongue. I was very close to tipping out and speaking my mind. My daughter tells me that she needs to call her and let her know that we were there waiting. With as much politeness and calmness that could be mustard up; I told my child that the woman is responsible and knows the schedule. It was unbelievable, How could she not follow the simplest instructions? She finally arrived forty-five minutes late. A deep breath taking, while struggling to ignore the feeling of weariness. Weariness is becoming as familiar to me as breathing. For years now, I have fought for my child, ran all over from city to city, for visits.. I can honestly see why so many parents abandon their children in foster care. The system is very complicated, and difficult to deal with. I have one child who is in the system. I now recognize that there is no such things as a Family Reunification Plan or Services. It was all a trick. I am guilty of being so naïve and trusting. I am very sorry to my child. It is my fault

This battle

There is no one that understands the what I am going through. It is the hardest things for me; to look at see families around me. Mothers with their children, walking, smiling, living a life in the most simplest of ways. Silently, I wonder and search to find out; at one point in my life did the best turned into pieces of burnt pieces. A silent scream IS trapped in my throat, a emptiness is so painful, the void echos so loudly, radiating through my heart. While sitting in the midst of a unfamiliar practice to me. My young one; whom I have received so many painful blows of tongue, and almost unimaginable suffering. She laughs out loud with a lightness, a summer breeze that has come early was expressed through the air of her voice. I struggled to break free, and enjoy a simple “Laughter Yoga.” I could not, the crushing near my lungs was ever evident inside of me. A glimpse of a bright red, “CASA” sign illuminated in the sunlight. It was not the laughter that caught my attention. Court-Appointed-Support-Advocate is what I think that it is. So many feelings would come up, again. It has been almost four years, since the most horrible affliction hit me so hard. It was as if a natural tornado hit me with full force, almost killing my soul. Although I have survived the aftermath, and embrace some kind of humility-I know that I will never be the same. The reason how I know is by noticing that the magic, the strength that I once had; has been stolen from me. 

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Tried out..Poem

Guilt seemed to be an ultimate propensity to each angle of my being

I drive, I sit, I walk

Wonderment is forever under siege

I struggle to see amidst, the stumbling factor that is in my view

All tried out, All tried out